Some of you may have seen my post on Instagram last Sunday where I briefly spoke about, loneliness.
The really sad thing about loneliness is that we often feel guilty or embarrassed for feeling it. We don't like to admit that we can often feel alone for fear of somebody thinking we're boring, odd etc.
A lot of you will know of Robin Williams who in my opinion was one of the best actors of all time. He was in films such as: Patch Adams, Mrs Doubtfire, Aladdin, Dead Poets Society, Jumanji and Good Will Hunting. Little did we know, that behind that wit, charm and charisma, he was someone suffering in silence. I remember reading a quote of his after his passing that said "All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are" Reading that quote was like someone describing how I was feeling in that time. I felt as though I wasn't strong enough to tell people how I felt, so I continued to suffer in silence. For anybody that did struggle and still does, loneliness can be walking into a crowded room but still having that feeling in the pit of your stomach. It cripples you to the point where it makes you feel ashamed and embarrassed because maybe, all you want to do is turn around to someone and tell them that you are feeling lonely, you need someone to talk to because you are not feeling ok. You want connection..
For years, that was me, and as I write this, I find myself getting upset, upset for the Christine growing up, the Christine as teenager and the Christine in her early 20s. She was too ashamed to say she was feeling lonely and feeling depressed and anxious. I would go out with friends but feel completely disconnected from them. I would be speaking to someone about how they felt and feeling absolutely paralysed on the inside because I couldn't get any words out. I genuinely thought those were the cards I had been dealt with, but now I know differently. One of the best and biggest decisions I ever made for myself was opening up and talking to people about how I was feeling. Seeking professional help, being kind and compassionate towards myself, putting up boundaries and showing myself the respect I truly deserved. Now, I shout it from the rooftops, I no longer care what others will think if I openly admit my feelings, talk about feelings and emotions I don't care if I am nearly 30 years of age and still get overwhelmed by those feeling of loneliness every now and again. Why? because there are no rules on how you are supposed to feel and when you are supposed to feel them!! We need to keep being reminded of this. In the words of Miranda Bailey on Greys Anatomy (best show ever!!) - Feel your feelings.
If you are somebody who is struggling, who is feeling lonely and wants to speak to someone, just know how bloody brave, strong and amazing that is. You are changing the narrative, you are telling your thoughts that it's ok to talk, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
If you want to talk to someone, please know, my DMs and emails are always open. I may not know you well but I am somebody who has been there, continues to be there and will hold space for you to be yourself, always.
Take Care, Always
Worthy of Wellbeing